Untitled Project - Chapter #4

[Untitled Project]

CHAPTER #4

There are many, many ways to rationalize a surreal experience. Most try to pass it off as a mere dream or illusion, even though the supposed facade appeared tangible and sensory. Others may simply chalk it up to something they ate, although really, how much of an effect does food have on our perception unless it's filled with hallucinogens?

Other experiences, however, can simply be described in a single word: Divine.

Ken simply started up at the slow-moving clouds. Or were they moving at all? He couldn't really tell, nor did it really matter. It was interesting, sure, but so was the fact that he was here in the first place, and he hadn't actually tried to figure out why that was so far.

He was sprawled out on his back, his gaze fixed towards the sky. The field he was in was devoid of humanity, being completely covered with every flower known to man as far as his eyes could see (which admittedly, considering the prescription on his glasses, wasn't very far at all). The scene stirred up feeling within him. He almost felt like he should point his finger towards the sky, soberly announcing to the world something about how he walks the path of Heaven...

"But that would be too weird, even for me..."

He said this aloud to nobody in particular.

He wasn't exactly sure how he found himself in this position, nor did he have any clue as to how long he had been there. The passage of time confused him slightly. He honestly couldn't say how long it had been. It could have easily been any length of time, anywhere between five seconds to several weeks. The location was also completely foreign, yet more familiar and comforting than home. It wasn't Heaven, but it still felt pretty good...

"Good day to you."

A figure was standing behind his head. He glanced up casually. He recognized this figure immediately, but for some odd reason... wasn't surprised by this rather miraculous appearance. He smiled and lovingly gazed at this person.

"Hello to you too, Kanon."

She smiled brightly back at him, radiating beauty and purity. To Ken, she was just like an angel right now. She started off the conversation in her typical manner.

"Are you doing well?"

He shook his head. It was quite a weird conversation, actually. Here he was, face-to-face with the girl he essentially loved who had just died tragically not that long ago... and yet, he is feeling peaceful right now? But in all honesty, he knew he wasn't doing well. The images of that hated event still stayed with him constantly, having been chiseled into his memory forever.

"I certainly haven't been doing well, no... I've been sad, depressed, angry... how else am I supposed to react to your death?"

He didn't even bother asking why she was there when she wasn't supposed to be. That just didn't seem important right now.

"I know you haven't been doing well... I was informed of your behavior as of late. That is why I am here: to help you right now for what lies ahead. Preparation is necessary."

Preparation? His ears perked up. What kind of preparation is needed? He needs comfort right now, instead. Some of the bad feelings were already slowly leaking into his heart.

"What do you mean by 'preparation'? Wouldn't this have been better suited for when you were still alive?"

She gazed at his eyes, which caused him to redden slightly.

"You were already prepared for that. You simply did not see it at the time."

She continued speaking as elegantly and succinctly as she always used to before...

"And you should know before I inform you of the information I am allowed to tell you... I am not the real Kanon."

He shrugged his shoulders at this news, brushing it off.

"I figured that out fairly quickly. It's just easier to refer to you as her, considering you are pretty much her in every way possible right now."

She giggled that amazingly adorable giggle she always had.

"If that is what you wish, then please feel free to do so."

Despite himself, he laughed. That certainly sounded like something Kanon would say, and good memories of her started flowing softly back into his mind... he remembered everything that he liked about her. He smiled happily.

"Okay, okay... so, if I may ask, what are you preparing me for, precisely? Am I allowed to know that much, or must it remain hidden from me?"

She thought about the question for a split second, then answered matter-of-factly.

"What you are being prepared for cannot be answered at this time, as you well expected. The future is not for you to know with certainty, but it is God's plan for your life. You will experience much inner turmoil, moreso than you have experienced up to this point."

More turmoil? He was starting to get a bit annoyed at this idea.

"I have to experience more of this terrible feeling? Why? Why must I constantly have to experience such difficulty in my life?"

She stared at him sadly, but spoke with conviction in her voice. She spoke the way he loved hearing Kanon...

"It is understandable that you are upset by this future. However, complaining about it will not help you mature in your faith. You said yourself that you have experienced this type of sadness before. Remember that your life has been orchestrated by your Maker, and that everything you have experienced up until now has been what He has wanted.

What you need to know right now is that your life will be used in many special ways by your God. You have been living this life for a reason. Do not look at these trials as necessarily "bad", but as something that God wants you to go through to prepare you for your mission in life. Is that not a great honor for a sinful human to receive?"

Ken sighed... how could he argue against that? He understood these things already, but it makes sense that he only ever realizes how important it is when it comes out of the mouth of one of his loved ones...

"I get it... I understand."

He spoke these words with a sigh, essentially resigning himself to the fact that she was right. He didn't have a right to complain, nor should he if this is what God wanted of him. He decided to change the subject.

"I understand you can't tell me about this trial that I'm supposed to experience... but can you tell me some other things?"

Her face softened a bit, giving him a bright smile.

"What you want to ask has to do with the one you love, does it not?"

He sighed again, and looked at her again with a sad smile on his face.

"Yes, it does... I just want to ask, she is in Heaven now, isn't she?"

She nodded happily.

"Yes, she is. She is with her Savior now, praying on your behalf."

This answer hit Ken hard... he suddenly felt so humbled that Kanon would be interceding for him, asking God to keep him safe, when she was able to talk to Him face-to-face.

"...really? Does that mean... that she loved me?"

The Kanon standing in front of him smiled even more happily, almost giddy, in a sense.

"Yes, she truly, truly loved you, Ken. You captured her heart the moment you met. She could see something in you that most others cannot. But she also does not want you to allow her death to overwhelm your mind. It will be a sad time for you for awhile, but you must move on eventually. That is what she wants for you. She loves you and is asking her Lord to keep you steady in your faith."

The emotions came over Ken, again. She loved him so much, didn't she? And he loved her, too...

Tears were forming in his eyes again, a feeling that he had become only too familiar with over the past weeks. She noticed this, but continued speaking.

"Now... we must part ways. Your trial is beginning soon."

Ken started getting worried again at this news.

"W-wait...! Will I remember these words you spoke to me...?"

She tilted her head slightly and gave a sad smile.

"This conversation will feel like a mere dream when you look back on it, and you will not be able to recall precise details. But you will remember the feelings you had... you will know that Kanon truly loved you."

Ken felt slightly relieved at this news, but was still worried about her departure.

"...thank you... so much... and please let her know that... I loved her, as well..."

She smiled brighter than ever, causing his heart to stop.

"You are quite welcome, Ken. Now, we must part. Seek your Savior, Ken. Allow those closest to you to help, and always be willing to do the same in return."

The wind started blowing gently as this apparition of Kanon started walking slowly towards Ken. Ken was confused slightly, but didn't ask questions. She slowly raised her hand and extended it towards his forehead and touched it lightly...

The wind roared past his body, whipping his clothes rapidly. He suddenly felt dizzy, and all the scenery around him melted away. He felt as if he were falling slowly, endlessly, into an abyss of darkness.

He started seeing scenes from his life play around him, starting with his childhood...

Those terrible nights with his father...
The fights at night...
His delinquent activity...
Encounters with dangerous people forming his personality and attitude...
Friendships formed, friendships broken...
Betrayals, alliances...
Sickness, death...
His new friends, his salvation...
His life now...

Every memory that surrounded him reminded him of what he had been through. And every memory ended violently, being destroyed as if a punch was thrown at a mirror, shattering it.

Everything started becoming jumbled together, confusing his mind... every time he saw a memory shatter, it started fading from his mind until he could no longer remember it. Slowly, gradually, his memory of unimportant things were lost... then the important memories started disappearing, too...

Who were these people in the memories? His family? His friends? He couldn't recall...

...What is my name...?

He could not even remember that...

Suddenly, other memories started pouring into his mind rapidly. They seemed completely foreign to him, and yet oddly nostalgic and familiar. Where had he seen these images before? How is it that this knowledge that is now entering his head seems both alien and intimately familiar at the same time?

It overwhelmed his head. He did not know for sure what was even real anymore.

Which is real? What was my name before? Why can I not remember?!

He couldn't stand it anymore. The sudden ripping away of his previous memories... the immediate influx of new information that he wasn't sure was real or not... his mind was on overload. He could no longer think... and was swiftly greeted with a much desired peace as he somehow, in some odd way, passed out within his own mind.