CHAPTER #3
She continued writing for a long period of time. She wrote down her thoughts and feelings, nothing more, nothing less. Occasionally weaving in lines from books she had read, or songs she had listened to, or poems that she somehow still recalled. But they were still her words; somebody else just wrote them better.
It's not like copyright laws apply to my thoughts, right?
While writing, she indulged herself a little in the snacks that her parents had brought her. Licorice was by and large her favorite sweet, hands down. If she could have a box of licorice each day, she would... probably weigh about 500 pounds. But that would be okay, because she loved the stuff.
She eventually started getting concerned again.
When was the last time I checked on him...? I don't particularly want to go back to the room, but...
She wrestled with herself for a split second. Should she go see him again? That room... wasn't inviting, not in the least. But somehow, she knew... she had to go see if he was doing alright. She hadn't heard from Ken's mother in... how long has it been? She checked her phone...
...Wait a minute... is that right?
The digital clock read 9:37... AM.
She had been there for nearly 16 hours.
No wonder light was finally starting to shine in her eyes. She had been so engrossed in what she was doing and in her own thoughts earlier that she... simply never noticed. She sighed, yet again.
As per my usual... everything goes on around me when I'm not paying attention.
She gathered up her possessions and slowly made her way towards his room, still reluctant to see him and that condition again.
She paused again when she got to the door. Her hands were shaking somewhat, like before, only not quite as bad. She took a deep breath and proceeded to enter, a little bit easier than last time.
She made sure not to immediately glance at him as soon as she entered, and instead looked to see who was in the room. Ryou was standing by the bed, seemingly giving a pep talk to... the unconscious Ken.
Ooooookay....
She felt a little guilty, but she couldn't help thinking about how weird this guy really was. They were good friends and all... but he certainly knew how to avoid conventional norms.
But that's why he's a great guy.
Naomi glanced towards the other figure in the room, Ken's mother. She still looked a bit distressed, but she weakly smiled when she noticed Naomi had walked into the room.
Such a strong woman... I know I'd be at the end of my rope if it were my child...
Naomi gave a slight wave, then thought the better of it and simply stood there, unsure of what to do. Ken's mother smiled a little bit more and brought her hand to her mouth. Was that a small laugh coming from her? Naomi flushed with embarrassment, and didn't know how to proceed.
“Thank you for being here, Naomi. I'm sorry for not being more hospitable, considering how you've been here all night, but...”
The woman trailed off. Naomi immediately raised her hands up apologetically.
“Oh no, there's no need to be sorry... I completely understand...”
She trailed off, as well. What else could she say?
Ryou noticed this and walked over to their small group.
“Havin' a conference without me?”
Naomi quickly glanced over at him, hoping to take some of the attention off of herself. His style of speaking always slightly aggravated her, but she ignored it for now. She hurriedly tried to think of something to say.
“Umm... no, not exactly... uh, hey, who were you talking to over there?”
He looked at her quizzically.
“Uh, it was Ken. Who else would I be talkin' to... when I'm standin' right next to the bed, lookin' right at him?”
...Oh.
That's indeed what it looked like, but...
“...And... why would you be talking to him?”
She immediately regretted saying it.
Oh no... if there was anything more insensitive than that...
“Because... the doctor said it might be a good idea? He's asleep, but not deaf, y'know...”
...Oh yeah.
She looked around the room, seeing that all eyes were on her.
...Awkward. Very awkward.
This was the exact situation she was trying to avoid. She turned an even deeper shade of red, if such a thing were possible by now.
Suddenly, someone broke the silence... with a giggle? Naomi looked towards the source of the noise...
Ken's mother?
The older woman had started giggling at the situation for some bizarre reason.
Certainly this might have been humorous had it been present in a manga or TV show, but... was this really the most appropriate time for laughter?
Naomi just stood there. Suddenly, another voice broke into laughter. It was that jerk, Ryou.
What-..? What am I not getting here?!
Naomi didn't know what to do. Ken's mother calmed down after a few seconds.
“It's okay, dear, we weren't making fun of you. It was just a... funny situation.”
She started giggling again. She seemed to be unable to help herself.
Great... another awkward situation. Yet another joke that flew completely over my head.
She sighed and raised her hands again.
“Okay, okay... apparently something happened that I totally missed. Ha-ha, we get it, it was funny, hilarious, all that. Great.”
She didn't want to sound rude, but there was a time and a place... and unfortunately, this was neither.
The other two regained their composure, understanding that she wasn't exactly in a fun mood at the moment.
“It's okay, Naomi. Ken's mom and I have been talkin' about this for awhile. Laughter isn't a bad thing to have in times like these.”
Ryou tried to assure her, but being the person she was...
“I understand that... but really, is it appropriate right now? I mean... I came here to see how HE was doing... not to join a circus.”
She turned her gaze towards the bed, trying to hold back her tears at what she saw.
He was laying in the same position, not having moved an inch since she last saw him. Frankly, he was still a mess. The bandage on his head had thankfully been changed since last time, though fresh spots of blood were still visible. The machines were still keeping him stable and alive, at least. But she still hated the sight of him in such a weak, fragile state. She wanted to hold him in her arms, to comfort him... but she knew that wouldn't do any good right now. She just had to wait... endlessly wait.
She turned away from him and looked again at the other two.
“I apologize for being rude... I never take serious situations like this very well. That's still no excuse, so I just want to say that I'm very sorry.”
They nodded their heads solemnly. They both understood. Ryou spoke up.
“Hey, it's okay... we're all havin' a tough time with this. That's why I was doing what the doctor said. It kinda helps release the built-up feelings and all that. We understand what you're goin' through.”
He grinned slightly, trying to lighten the mood.
“Y'know what? That's exactly what you're goin' to do right now. We'll leave while you talk to Ken, sound good?”
He motioned towards Ken's mother, who also stood up, and both walked towards the door.
“W-wait...! You're going to leave me here to... talk with him? Why?!”
She panicked for a second. Could she really do that? She felt like she would be too scared to even go near the bed, much less actually speak verbally TO him, even if he couldn't exactly hear everything at the moment.
“Yep, that's right. It really helps, I promise. She needs to get some stuff to eat, anyway; she's been here for too long without food. And since I'm also starvin', I'll join her. I know you're not hungry, since I saw you wolfin' down that bag of candy not too long ago.”
Her faced flushed with embarrassment again.
When did he see that?! Was I not paying attention?
“Y'know... just a side note, but you're really going to start gainin' some extra pounds if you keep eating sugary stuff like that. I didn't want to say anything, but it's kinda starting to show a bit... Y'know, just warnin' you.”
“.....”
...WHAT?!
She couldn't even believe her ears.
There's no way... did he really just say that? Did he honestly, truly... say THAT?!
She fumed with fury and anger. No matter the situation, no matter the context, no matter the circumstance...
...you NEVER... EVER poke fun at a woman's weight.
She immediately tightened her hand into a fist, ready to give him the beating and/or strangling of his life for even SUGGESTING anything of the sort.
He quickly sensed this and laughed as he rapidly exited the room with Ken's mother, waving as he closed the door.
That jerk... he's so lucky I didn't have time to react.
Naomi was normally a peaceful person, but get her angry enough...
The anger eventually dissipated, and a nervous mood overtook her again as she turned her head back towards Ken.
Okay... I'm supposed to talk to him...? How... do I do that?
In theory, it was simple. Just talk to him. But what about? How should she speak? As if he were right there, listening to her? What if she speaks how she usually does, asking questions and waiting for answers? How can he do that?
Ugh... I'm not like Ryou... I never liked speaking to people period, let alone during serious situations...
She stood there, debating as to how to approach this... “event”. She briefly felt as if she were in a visual novel and was at a branching story path, needing to choose one of two choices in order to progress through the story.
If only life were so easy...
She timidly approached the side of his bed, more nervous than she had been earlier. She sat down on the chair that was sitting there, and proceeded to...
...do absolutely nothing.
Should I just... talk? What do I say? “Hey! How's it going?”?
She sat there and thought for a minute. She then took a deep breath and started speaking.
“...hello. It's been awhile, hasn't it?”
No response came from him... obviously. She kept talking.
“You never returned my call... well, I can understand why, so it's not like I'm offended or anything. I just... thought you should know. I mean, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, but... um...”
She stammered, at a loss for words. What exactly do you say to an unconscious person, anyway?
“...You know... I'm really sorry for your loss... I know I wasn't exactly the most supportive person in your relationship, but... I did really like her. She was my friend, too. I may not have been as close to her as you, obviously, but I still feel the pain from her death...”
She bit her lip, unsure of how to continue.
“That's why... I really would have appreciated you calling me when you were hurting. You locked yourself up, kept everybody at an arm's length. I know we were probably overbearing and a bit overly helpful, but this was our personal way of dealing with the pain. We knew you were hurt the most, and we felt that we were paying respect to her memory by doing what she would want, helping you through it all. I'm sorry if we kept you stifled, though...
Still... please remember that I'm here for you. No matter what you're going through, I'll be somebody you can come to for help. I know what pain feels like. That doesn't mean I'll hurt every time you bring something up that triggers those painful feelings, though. Actually, I'll be happy... it would make me very happy to be able to guide you through the healing process, to bring you to a point of inner peace. I'm not offended if you bring up my past.”
She sighed peacefully. It was nice, being able to express all of this to him. Maybe Ryou wasn't as big of an ignoramus as she thought.
“And also remember that I need someone to come to for help, as well. You were always a good listener before, so you need to get better again. We share that bond, remember? I promise that we can have some fun as soon as you get out of the hospital. Perhaps we can... play a fighting game? You know, your favorite one?”
She giggled a bit. It was out of place, certainly, but it was fun, as well.
She started talking about the past, going on and on about the fun times they all had together. Their first meeting... eating lunch as a group... Ryou's antics... it was nice taking a stroll down memory lane, even if some of the memories weren't her most favorite. She eventually got to the first introduction they had... with “her”...
“...You really liked her, didn't you? I suppose you did, seeing as how you two got so close with each other... Truth be told, I was quite envious when you and her first mentioned everything. We all had our suspicions, of course, but we didn't know how close you really were. That announcement was... quite sudden. And to be frank, I didn't like it at first... not at all...”
She started remembering those bad feelings associated with those memories... jealousy, regret, failure... she had felt as if she had lost something so dear to her.
“But don't worry, I eventually accepted it. I wanted you to be happy, even if... well, it's not important now. I still want you to experience happiness, whether I'm there to help you obtain it or not. You deserve better than a neurotic weirdo like me, anyway.”
And it was true. She had accepted it, even now. But the tears started to fall again... she couldn't stop them...
“Oh no... I... well, you don't need to worry about me. I'm sorry... I...”
She choked up. She wasn't sure what to do. She didn't expect such strong emotions to rise from simply talking about her feelings.
“It's not important, trust me... you're a good guy, Ken. I don't deserve you, and you deserve better, let's just leave it at that.”
She nervously laughed, fighting back the emotions.
“Anyway... I should probably go get the others, just in case... anything happens...”
She quickly stood up and walked nervously towards the door. However, as she put her hand out to turn the knob, she stopped. She looked back at him... tears streaming down her cheeks...
...She couldn't leave like this.
She slowly walked back towards him, inching closer than she had been before, her whole body shaking more and more from the anxiety. She reached out her trembling hand... and placed it on top of his. She held onto it for a few seconds.
Curiously warm...
With her heart beating furiously in her chest and her face blushing an even deeper shade of red than ever before, she timidly bent down towards his face...
She delivered to him... a kiss on the cheek.
She slowly pulled her face back after a few seconds, but still held onto his hand... just a few seconds longer...
She reluctantly released it, feeling as if it was painfully torn from her, and slowly made her way back towards the door. She stopped again, with her hand on the knob... she turned her gaze towards him once more...
With bitter tears freely falling from her face, she said the words that she had always feared... the words she never wanted to say... the words that caused her heart to shatter...
“Farewell... my first love...”
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